"Gina hates social events with a passion. She has to talk to strangers and make small talk. Small talk is the bane of her life, she just doesn't know what to say and all her conversations seem to end in 2 minutes or less. At this point, social interactions give her anxiety!"
Socially awkward people find it difficult to interact with other people on social settings. Often they fail to read social cues and respond appropriately, but sometimes fear of humiliation or anxiety prevents them from actively participating in social events.
Joshua Clegg, a well-known researcher defined social awkwardness as a belief that one's need for social acceptance can never be realized, a bleak possibility in other words.
What are some of the signs of social awkwardness?
1. You feel anxious in social settings
Socially awkward people feel anxious or even afraid when navigating social situations. Anxiety often stems from a fear of saying the wrong thing or of other people finding them boring/awkward. You might spent the entire time thinking about all the mistakes you might make or what the other person is thinking or if they think you are boring. Ironically, this makes your ability to relax and converse freely more difficult.
2. You find it hard to hold conversations with people
You are in a group with friends and you find that all your conversations seem to be short and impersonal while others are chatting away for hours. This might be because you struggle to make small talk, find it hard to continue sentences from where the other person stopped or that you don't know what to say to fill in conversation gaps. Awkward silences and fillers can make a conversation uncomfortable for both parties.
3. You find yourselves on the fringes of a group event
It's a colleague's birthday and everyone in the unit has been invited to hang out at a nearby restaurant. You got there on time but somehow, you find yourself hanging out at the edges of the table, barely participating in the conversation. Finding it difficult to join in on group conversations or attach to a group of people actively can be a sign of social awkwardness.
4. You miss out on social cues
Friends might tell you "didn't you notice that she wasn’t interested in the conversation anymore?" You replay the moment in your head but you just can't see it. Social cues play an important role in social situations; they guide how we interact with one another.
Socially awkward people miss cues that help guide conversations along such as the other person turning away, engaging in other activities while you are still talking, moving away from you, asking no questions, or giving one word replies.
These non-verbal cues indicate that the person would like to end the conversation. Missing these cues can make interactions very weird for both parties.
Conclusion
If all these statements ring true for you, don't lose hope! Social skills are like every other skill and can be learnt. You can start by asking your friends and family for a true analysis on your social skills and if they think you are awkward in social spaces. Use this feedback as a guide on which areas needs improvement.
Podcasts, books, vlogs, and people such as life coaches can help you move from awkward to accomplished conversationalist.
