Why You Should Set Boundaries in Your Relationships
In love relationships, as with relationships with friends, family members, and colleagues, it is easy to take one another for granted without knowing. While such behaviors may seem harmless at first, they may signal the start of more toxic behaviors that could derail the relationship and hurt your mental health.
In romantic relationships, for instance, the health and stability of the union are hinged on the respective emotional and psychological health of the persons involved. The more emotionally healthy and intelligent a person is, the clearer their values are and their expectations in a relationship. This is where setting boundaries come in; people who treat themselves with respect are more likely to demand and attract respect from their partners.
Having boundaries protects us from toxic behaviors other people put out and attracts to us people who are also emotionally healthy.
Here are essential tips in setting boundaries in your relationships.
Love Yourself
You may never understand the need for boundaries or even what boundaries to set in your relationship if you do not love yourself.
People who set clear boundaries for how they want others to treat them are people who likely treat themselves well too. If you love yourself well enough, you will most likely not tolerate an abusive partner or someone who habitually cheats on you. In essence, If you do not respect yourself, you may not realize what behaviors count as disrespectful.
Take yourself out; spend more time with yourself; enjoy your thoughts and your space. Write down clear goals for your personal development, career, and family life. Once you are clear about who you are and what you want, it will be easy to decide what you do not like and what behaviors you will not accept from someone else.
Set Clearly-Defined Boundaries
Do not allow your partner to second guess your boundaries, state it as it is. Your boundaries regarding your emotional, physical, or spiritual health must be clearly stated so your partner knows when he or she has overstepped.
This is important because what may be offensive to you may be culturally or socially acceptable to someone else. So you want to be sure your partner is clear about what you don’t accept and what you can tolerate.
How much time do you want your partner to spend on their phones when you are around? Are you OK with your partner staying out late into the night? Or do you consider a certain touch by your colleague inappropriate? State it assertively without mincing words.
Speak up When Your Boundaries are violated
Why set a boundary you are not ready to commit to? Once your boundaries are violated and you do not speak up, you’ve permitted a recurrence.
It may feel difficult, but speaking up reinforces your boundaries and impresses on the other person to respect those boundaries. Furthermore, if overstepping your boundaries has consequences, ensure to mete out those consequences without feeling guilty.
A part of you might want to let go and dismiss a breach as a one-time act, but it soon recurs until you can no longer get the person to respect that boundary.
The key to having a thriving personal journey in life is determining what you will and will not accept in your interactions with others. Although it may seem difficult, learning to assert oneself not only unleashes the joy of loving and respecting oneself, but also attracts us to healthy and thriving people and relationships.
