"This is the third fight I have had to separate today," Mrs Adams thinks to herself. Her twin boys are always fighting over everything, they compete over games, grades, and the family is getting more chaotic as time goes on. Mrs. Adams is very worried.
Quarrels and squabbles among siblings is a regular occurrence in every home, but when should you as a parent/caregiver step in? Sibling rilvalry often stems from a need for your attention, birth order issues (first vs. last borns), jealousy, and misunderstandings.
If left unattended, rifts between your children could fester and cause serious problems in the future.
Try these techniques to curb rifts and rivalries among your children:
Treat them like individuals
Each child is unique in their own way and they will excel at different things, and have different preferences. Comparisons between siblings are sure to breed hostility among them. Avoiding labels such as the smart one, the rebel, the lazy one, the pretty one, and so on. If one child loves math and the other art, encourage both of them. Don't put one down at the expense of the other. Don't expect them to achieve the same things.
Don't be quick to assign blame
As a parent, it is rare that you will witness the start of a fight. Most often, you become aware when voices are raised or someone starts crying. When intervening, don't blame anybody. Calm everyone down and listen to all sides of the story first before making a decision on who was right or wrong.
Avoid blaming the older child because you think they should know better, they are just kids as well. Be fair and let each person know when they have acted wrongly.
Be fair
You should be a symbol of fairness to your children; they should be assured that when you interfere in a situation, you are going to make it right. Be fair when giving out punishments as well as rewards. Don't excuse one child’s behavior and punish the same behavior in another child.
For instance, Bisi broke a cup; you took her favorite toy for a day. But when Tayo did the same, you took no action.
Children observe and note these things and it may affect their relationship with you as well as with each other.
Divide your time and attention among them
Research has shown that vying for attention is a major cause of rifts among siblings. Resolve this issue by spending quality time with each child. If child A likes to paint, try to find time to spend with them, learning about why they enjoy it. If child B likes football, try to spend a few minutes kicking a ball around with him or her.
Try to avoid giving all your attention to activities that you personally enjoy. Sharing your attention among your children will reduce the need to compete for attention and thus reduce fights among them.
Conclusion
Fights and quarrels among siblings are completely normal but should not be left unmanaged. Take steps to curb excessive fights among your children such as teaching them problem-solving skills and being a fair judge. Remember that what you regard as petty quarrels today may cause severe problems later in the future.
